10 Terribly Bungled Crimes

In August 2007, a woman in Rochelle, Ga., successfully committed the crime of purchasing and ingesting crack cocaine. But after she split her purchase and smoked one third, she found she wasn't intoxicated. Fearing that she had been ripped off, the woman, 53-year-old Juanita Marie Jones, called local police to enlist their help to "get her money back." When deputies arrived at her home, she showed her purchase to them, and they promptly arrested her for possession of crack [source: AP].

This woman wasn't the only one who should've thought things through a little more. You'll find more criminal blunders on the next page.

As the old saying goes, "crime doesn't pay." Or, at least it didn't for the robbers whose stories follow. Here are three more bungled crimes.

Bank robbers of questionable intelligence have been known to use their own deposit slips as a note in the robbery. This tradition continued in September 2007, when Forest Kelly Bissonnette, a 27-year-old Englewood, Colo., resident, passed a note to a bank teller on the back of one of his own checks. Unlike some previous robbers, Bissonnette was clever enough to make an attempt to black out his name. He failed, however, as FBI agents were able to glean the information from the check. The man was successful in making off with around $5,000. He eventually surrendered to police [source: AP].

A man in Phoenix, Ariz., robbed a bank in July 2007, but it appears that the rules governing police chases weren't clear to the man. While being pursued by squad cars and helicopters, the man pulled into a convenience store and ran inside. The cashier reported the fleeing robber told him, "Quick, pack of cigarettes. Here's 20 bucks. Give me a pack of cigarettes." The cashier gave him the cigarettes and the man quickly left the store and drove off, with police close behind. He was caught shortly after -- the pack of cigarettes was still unopened [source: 3TV].

A man who went missing in 1985 turned up in the chimney of a gift shop in Natchez, Miss., during renovations 15 years later. His corpse was found by masons, and he was identified by a wallet found near him. Since the missing man had a prior history of burglary, investigators concluded that he had become caught in the chimney as he tried to crawl into the gift shop to rob it. He is believed to have injured himself, which may have led to his eventual death in the chimney [source: BBC].

Perhaps at this point, you're thinking that one of these crooks will get a clue. But you'd be wrong. On the next page, we'll take a look at some more bungled crimes.

Go on, the song says, take the money and run. Or walk. Or take a bus.

In Atlanta in January 2008, Channel Monae Gaskin robbed a bank branch using only a stick-up note. Gaskin was in the clear until she was outside the bank and a dye bomb exploded, covering her in orange paint. Not wanting to be conspicuous, she ditched the useless money and her stained clothes in a public restroom changing into a new outfit. Then, to get away, she went to a bus stop near the bank and waited for a bus to arrive. While waiting, Gaskin was caught and arrested by police. Surprisingly, she had successfully used the Atlanta bus system as getaway transportation after a previous robbery [source: Atlanta Journal Constitution].

Assassination attempts are rarely amusing, especially when you consider that someone would have died if everything had gone according to plan. During the trial of South African government official Dr. Wouter Basson in 2000, details of a plot to kill African leaders living in London emerged. A South African assassin picked up the proposed murder weapon, an umbrella rigged to distribute poison through a spike in the tip. The man who gave it to him accidentally tested it out on himself as he demonstrated it. He survived, but it could have been taken as an omen. Once the plan was hatched, they found one of the two targets no longer lived in London and they couldn't keep tabs on the other. "The plot was abandoned and the umbrella thrown into the Thames" [source: The Independent].

It would seem logical that once you've gotten away with a crime, you should make it a point to stay away from police in general. This appears to have been proven by R.C. Gaitlin, a 21-year-old, who became curious when he noticed police demonstrating their equipment to local children on a Detroit street in 1988. Gaitlin asked the officers to show him, as well, and handed them his driver's license for use in a demonstration of a field background check. When the police ran Gaitlin's information, they found he had a warrant out for his arrest for his involvement in a 1986 armed robbery in St. Louis. Gaitlin was arrested by the demonstrating officers [source: Deseret Morning News].To paraphrase another song, don't dream, it's over. On the next page, you'll read about three more unsuccessful robbery attempts.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? Unless you get caught and they put you in jail. At least then you'll have some time to plan your next caper.

In suburban Miami in October 2007, an unidentified man placed an order at a fast food drive-thru. Upon hearing that his order would cost him $7.41, he let the cashier on the other end of the speaker know that he wouldn't be paying more than the $1.75 he had on him. After it was explained to him that wouldn't do, he drove off, only to return to the pick up window moments later on foot. He opened the window, pulled a gun on employees, and tried unsuccessfully to retrieve his order. He instead settled on a fistful of ketchup packets, but apparently decided on the way back to his car they weren't worthwhile. He threw them to the ground and drove off [source: WPLG].

Staying awake during the commission of a crime seems essential to keep from bungling it. A Bosnian 21-year-old burglar named Edin M. scoured through a home and managed to come up with some jewelry. Customarily, burglars leave the scene of the crime after they've scored their loot. Mr. M instead opted to have a seat on a sofa in the house. He promptly fell asleep and was discovered by the home's owner. The burglar confessed to the crime, and was arrested by police [source: AP].

In Poland in September 2007, author Krystian Bala found himself convicted for murder. Bala had written about the sensational kidnapping, torture and murder of fellow Pole, Dairusz Janiszewski. The story had captured headlines in the country and had baffled police for years. Bala's novel, "Amok," featured a plotline that bore a very strong resemblance to the murder of Janiszewski. After the book caught police's attention, they investigated Bala and discovered not only had he known the deceased, he had visited the victim the last time he was seen alive and had sold Janiszewski's cell phone later on. Bala received 25 years [source: BBC].For more information on crime and other related topics, visit the next page.