10
Weirdest Things Spotted by the TSA

Screeners for the TSA check passengers at Reagan National Airport in Virginia. TSA screeners have seen some pretty outrageous items in passengers' luggage over the years.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images

It's 5:43 a.m. on a Tuesday, and you're standing bleary-eyed in the airport security line hoping to make your flight to Dallas. All around you, blue-uniformed Transportation Security Agency (TSA) officers are barking out instructions. "Please remove all shoes, belts, wallets, cell phones and keys!" "Please take out all laptop computers and place them in a separate bin!" "Please place all gels and liquids in a zip-top bag!"

Shuffling along in your socks, your belt-less pants slowly slipping south, you pass a sign displaying the list of prohibited items: guns, knives, Tasers, lighters, fireworks, combustible liquids. As you hand your photo ID to the TSA agent, you can't help but wonder if this is all a huge waste of time. After all, how many morons really try to bring a gun onto an airplane in this age of post-9/11 hyper-security?

According to the TSA, exactly 1,813 of them in 2013.

That's the number of firearms that TSA officers discovered in carry-on bags. Even crazier, 81 percent of those guns were loaded [source: Burns].

For the record, a TSA spokesperson informed us that agents do not confiscate contraband items. They allow a passenger to give the item to the friend who dropped him off; to mail it somewhere or to surrender it to the TSA. Most choose the latter.

When it comes to weird things found by TSA agents, guns are just the tip of the psycho iceberg. Keep reading to hear about bold travelers who tried to smuggle bags of live eels, chain saws and human skull fragments through security. Just be thankful you weren't behind them in line.

 

10: A Suicide Vest

This fake suicide vest was taken from a passenger's carry-on by a TSA agent.

Transportation Security Agency

It was another busy morning at the Indianapolis International Airport security checkpoint in March 2013 when a carry-on bag set off alarms in the X-ray machine. Imagine the look on the agent's face when he pulled out what appeared to be a fully loaded suicide vest complete with plastic wires and pouches stuffed with explosives.

The passenger, it turns out, was an "explosives instructor" who used the inert suicide vest — yes, it was only a fake — as a training tool. Also inside the bag were 30 electric matches and unopened packets of potassium chlorate and titanium powder, highly combustible compounds used to make real explosives [source: Burns].

Explosives instructor or not, what would possess him to pack a replica suicide vest in his carry-on bag? Did he plan on putting it on if the cabin temperature turned a bit chilly? Did he want to impress his seatmate with pyrotechnic demonstrations after the complimentary beverage service?

The TSA understands that some people use inert explosives and other look-alike weapons for their jobs, but encourages folks to ship them via a freight service instead [source: Burns].

 

    9: Stuffed Animals Stuffed With Guns

    This dad thought it would be a clever move to hide his gun in his child's stuffed bear.

    Transportation Security Agency

    If you think navigating the airport security scrum by yourself is difficult, try doing it with a gaggle of small children. As you fold up strollers and herd wandering toddlers out of the full-body scanner, it's fair to ask if kids really need the same security scrutiny as adults.

    And then you hear about this guy.

    A traveler at T.F. Green Airport in Providence, R.I., tried to smuggle a disassembled handgun through security by hiding the weapon's three separate components inside his toddler's two stuffed bears and a Mickey Mouse doll. The .40-caliber firearm was one in stuffed animal , the magazine with two rounds and a firing pin was in a second one, while the third critter held the slide [source: Burns]. Nice one, dad. I hope you get out of jail in time for his preschool graduation.

     

    8: Knife Mounted on a Walker

    Look closely and you'll spot the knife attached to this passenger's walker. No word on why he or she did this.

    Transportation Security Agency

    Like small children, you could argue that seriously old people deserve a "free pass" through airport security. But just when you think that suspender-wearing grandpas are nothing but harmless coots, some old guy tries to shuffle through airport security with a knife strapped to his walker.

    Yes, TSA officers at New York's JFK airport spotted a silver knife surreptitiously stowed against the legs of a walker back in 2012 [source: Burns]. Upon close inspection, the weapon looks more like a long butter knife than a dagger, but you still have to question the motives of smuggling it onboard. Then again, have you tried spreading cold butter on a roll at 30,000 feet (9,144 meters) with nothing but a plastic spork?

    Canes are another unexpected source of deadly contraband. Every year, TSA officers confiscate dozens of "cane swords," otherwise harmless-looking walking aids that conceal full-length swords and smaller daggers [source: Burns]. Moral of the story: Never cross an old person.

     

    7: Gassed-up Chain Saw

    TSA agents spotted a gassed-up chain saw resembling this one in a passenger's luggage.

    uatp2/iStock/Thinkstock

    It's happened to all of us. You're packing for a trip to visit relatives in Cleveland and your uncle calls to ask if he can borrow your chain saw. "Sure!" you reply. "Let me just gas it up and stuff it in my suitcase!"

    On second thought, that's never happened to anyone. Except one apparently insane person passing through the Elmira Corning Regional Airport in New York. In January 2012, TSA agents removed the offending power tool – gas being flammable and all [source: Burns]. Interestingly, it's perfectly kosher to pack a chain saw into your checked luggage as long as it isn't filled with gasoline.

     

      6: Marijuana-Filled Grenade

      Experts agree that if you're trying to smuggle marijuana in your luggage, it is best not to put it inside a fake grenade -- you'll attract more attention.

      Mike Watson Images/moodboard/Thinkstock

      Here's a tip for all of you amateur drug smugglers out there: If you're going to attempt to sneak a bag of marijuana through airport security, it might not be the best idea to conceal it inside a full-size replica of a deadly explosive device. While TSA agents aren't tasked with sniffing out drugs, they have a knack for spotting items on the X-ray screen that are the exact shape and size of a hand grenade.

      A dazed and confused Denver passenger came to this decidedly un-groovy realization when TSA officers removed a novelty hand grenade from his bag and discovered that it was stuffed with, in the immortal words of a TSA blog writer, "a green leafy substance" [source: Burns]. Two strikes for our intrepid traveler. Next time, cram it in your child's Barney doll.

       

      5: Lipstick Weapons

      Is that a real lipstick or a clever concealer for pepper spray? Best not to find out.

      pashapixel/iStock/Thinkstock

      If looks could kill, then the weapon of choice would probably be a lipstick stun gun. In one particularly productive week back in 2012, TSA officers in Burlington, Vt., and Akron, Ohio, confiscated not one, but two weapons posing as harmless lipstick applicators. One was a 350,000-volt lipstick stun gun and the other a lipstick knife with a 2-inch (5-centimeter) blade [source: Burns]. TSA agents also have confiscated lipstick pepper spray.

      It makes you wonder, though, isn't there an inherent danger to disguising a 350,000-volt stun gun as something that you might absentmindedly put to your lips at a stoplight? Either way, add "women wearing lipstick" to the list of people not to cross.

       

      4: Human Skull Fragments

      These fragments of a human skull were found inside a pot in a passenger's luggage. The passenger claimed not to know how they got there.

      Transportation Security Agency

      You're on vacation in an exotic country and decide to pick up a souvenir made by local artisans. You don't speak whatever language they're speaking, so you point to an earthenware pot that looks like it would hold your umbrella collection. The shop owner makes the international sign for "No, no, no, that pot contains the remains of my dead grandmother!" but you think he's just playing hardball. You hand him a few extra greenbacks and grab the pot as you go.

      You only realize your mistake when a TSA agent in Florida takes out the clay pot for further inspection and discovers that it indeed contains a well-preserved human skull. As usual, your wife was right; you should have just bought the "Hard Rock Cafe Turkmenistan" T-shirt.

      Yes, TSA agents really did make this gruesome discovery in a checked baggage screening area at the Fort Lauderdale airport in 2013. The passenger claimed ignorance as to the pot's contents. This find naturally slowed down screening as the area turned into a crime scene [source: Burns].

       

        3: A Mace

        Some of the very unusual items the TSA has found include (from top, going clockwise): a medieval-style mace, a Peplica clock revolver, and a dagger hidden inside a hairbrush.

        Transportation Security Agency

        This one is going to take some explaining. When you hear that TSA officers confiscated "a mace," you might assume they found a bottle of self-defense pepper spray. Or, if you're the culinary type, you might think they discovered a smuggled shipment of the fragrant dried nutmeg husk from East India used to make the spice called mace. But you would be wrong again.

        The mace that TSA agents confiscated from a traveler at Chicago Midway in 2013 was, in fact, the kind of old-school weapon that barbarians used to swing over their heads when storming a medieval castle. The thick wooden handle of the confiscated mace measured more than a foot (30 centimeters) long and was connected by a long chain to a heavy spiked metal ball [source: Burns]. Just the kind of thing you want to fall out of the overhead luggage compartment during a bumpy landing.

         

        2: Bags of Live Eels

        One can only imagine the TSA agent's expression when he got up close and personal with some live eels.

        Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock

        Is there anything more gag-inducing than a bag full of live slithering eels swimming in putrid yellow water? How would you like to have been the TSA agent who unzipped a traveler's checked luggage in Miami to discover not only the "bag o' eels," but dozens of plastic sacks containing a total of 163 tropical fish, 12 tiny sea turtles, plus several other invertebrates and pieces of live coral [source: Burns]? The answer: not very much.

        The passenger was apparently trying to smuggle the rare sea creatures from Miami to Maracaibo, Venezuela. Somewhere, a Venezuelan pet store owner is staring longingly at an empty aquarium, waiting on a warm bag of eels that will never arrive.

         

        1: Chastity Belt

        Hopefully the chastitiy belt the passenger was spotted wearing was a little more comfortable than this one.

        Science & Society Picture Library/SSPL/Getty Images

        Privacy advocates lashed out at the full-body scanners the TSA began installing at its security checkpoints in 2007, likening the revealing X-ray images to an illegal "strip search" [source: Martín]. In 2013, hundreds of these scanners were removed from U.S. airports and replaced with less-invasive ones [source: Plungis].

        But not before one unlucky passenger had her, uh, highly restrictive undergarment detected by a body scanner in 2012. Yes, the TSA agent on duty had to pull the traveler aside and confirm that she was, indeed, wearing a chastity belt. And no, the confusing piece of clothing was not confiscated, since it was not considered contraband. Plus, no one had the key [source: Burns].

        If you're into weird lists like this, keep reading. We've got enough HowStuffWorks links on the next page to fill 13 airport security bins.

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