How to Talk to Children About Tragedies in the News

While some kids may be comfortable enough to begin a conversation with you about news or rumors they may have heard, others may need you to start things off. If you're initiating, begin the conversation by asking if they've heard the tragedy (the shooting, the storm, whatever the tragedy may have been) has happened. If they haven't heard, use the opportunity to tell them briefly what has happened and that they are safe. If they have heard, ask what they've heard about it, and ask what, if anything, they may be concerned about. Listen to what they tell you, and respond as appropriate: Be straight-forward and clear up any misinformation (stick to the facts, and keep it brief), and address any specific concerns and fears with confidence (even if you're not exactly brimming with it).

Be prepared for kids to really focus in on the facts of the situation before they want to talk about how it makes them feel. Use simple, age-appropriate language in your answers. Preschoolers and kids in early elementary school, for example, may not understand what death means yet -- they may only need to hear a few sentences of very high-level information followed by an abundance of reassurance they are safe and that their lives are not affected (or, as it may be, how their lives will be affected). Kids in elementary and middle school may have a lot of questions, and want to know what is being done to proactively keep them safe. And while it may be appropriate for the oldest group, adolescents, to have the most information about a tragedy, teens may also be most likely to hide their fears and worries from you. Expect teenagers to be the most opinionated age group, and to perhaps have suggestions and ideas for safety improvements in the local community and beyond [source: NASP].

No matter what age, tell kids the truth, and be consistent. Allow them to talk about their feelings, and reassure them all of those feelings are OK -- even feelings such as guilt or anger. Help alleviate their fears by reassuring kids that they are safe, that they are loved, and that there are people keeping them safe.

If you think you're repeating yourself in conversation with your kids after a tragedy has occurred, you probably are -- and that's OK. Asking the same questions again and again is a normal part of the process kids (and often, adults) go through as they work through the details of a tragic event and cope with their feelings. While some children may repeatedly ask the same questions, others may repeat the same statements about the tragedy. In response, stick with the emotionally healing power of these three things: Give succinct and consistent responses; be patient and supportive, and provide a feeling of security by being physically present. Some children may require little to no conversation or support while others will need much more. Encourage kids to talk; don't force them, but keep communication open. Young children, kids with special needs, and kids who have previously experienced trauma may prefer to work through the experience and their feelings with play, art or writing.

Some kids, especially those in late elementary school and middle school as well as teenagers, may benefit from taking an active role, too – engaging in a positive experience -- such as volunteering or sending kind words or donations where they're needed.

The National Association of School Psychologists recommends that parents (and guardians and any adults who spend time with kids) watch their kids' emotional state in the days and weeks after a tragic event has occurred. Signs of grief will vary from kid to kid and will differ depending on age, but often include temporary changes in appetite, sleep and behavior [source: NASP]. It's important to be flexible and accommodating to fears and feelings while being reasonable (routine is important for a kid's sense of security, for example, but nightmares may make it difficult to stick to a normal bedtime routine).

Note how well your child is coping as the days pass. Warning signs that a child is not coping in a healthy way include separation anxiety, nightmares, regressive behavior, bed wetting, irritability or aggression. Children also may have physical complaints such as a stomach ache or headache. They may not be able to stop thinking or talking about the event, and may develop fears of certain situations (such as going to school or traveling on an airplane) [source: Children's Hospital Los Angeles]. Work with your child's teacher and school counselor, a mental health professional or your pediatrician if you think your child may need help beyond your support.